Exams in less than 7 days time and I'm still slacking like a boss! Because I'm cool like this. :3 If only it's possible for me to actually, peek.
This post, is again, dedicated to a person.
To a person that I've known for 7 months and a day. Yesterday, we met with each other. Honestly, I didn't know that it would happened since I haven't seen in for almost 2 months. I used to tell myself, the first I would do when I see you is, run to you, hug you, and never let go. But in reality, everything's different from my imagination. When I saw you from far, when I had not even seen your face, when I only saw the body figure and recognized that was you, my reaction was to turn away. I didn't want it, but I just had to do that.
3rd of May, we met again, after so long. In the morning I heard that you were up to something which worried me a lot. I knew I couldn't stop you, so I did not. All I can do is to pray that you'll be fine. And God seemed to hear my prayer this time. You're fine, pretty fine. Come to think about it, when I saw you from far, I should just stay where I was, and at least smile or wave at you. But the fact is, I can't do it. I'm too weak, to even face you. I went back to where I was, and your friends came in. You were with another girl, and you didn't bother to come to where I was. All you did was just walking straight. I walked out as I was having a phone call, and I waved at your friend. I don't know, whether I looked like a ghost to him or what, but he smiled awkwardly to me while looking rather shock that I was there. And few seconds later, he ran out to call you. And all I could see was just you walking away. Walking really fast, and far away from where I was.
He called you, I guess. But you didn't turn back. He went to talk to you, but you were still walking really fast. And in few seconds, I couldn't see your figure anymore. I was really scared, to see you again, so I just hid back to where I was. I didn't wanna get out of that place, because I don't want you to see me, to see how pathetically sad I am. I went home, and cried myself to sleep. Yet, I failed to. I couldn't hold on anymore, my mum asked me what happened and finally, I lose control. I was too sick to face everything around me, so I skipped tuition. I took off the necklace that you got me, after wearing it for months. I can't hold on to certain things forever, I knew it. I grew some balls, to send you that message. To let you know that, what you're doing now, is going to make you regret for life. It's okay to let go, it's okay to leave, but please, love yourself.
You knew that I was those kind of girls that seem strong but actually weak inside.You knew I need someone beside me all the time. You knew that you've to bring along RM 50.60 to order 2 sets of quarter chicken and also 2 refillable ice lemon tea including tax service from Nando's because I've an obsession towards chicken. You knew I love ikea meatballs, especially the jam.You knew I will actually pms whenever I study, so no matter what, accompany and I will eventually turn alright after that. No matter how tired you were, you'll make sure that I go to bed only you can sleep. To you, I'm hyper and dumb, that's the reason you think I'm cute. You knew I will suddenly mood swing out of nowhere, and you'll be patient and listen to me. You knew I called you names, but I was actually joking, cause deep down in my heart, you're actually someone to me. You knew after school, I don't normally go out to eat, so you would actually send food to me if possible, cause I'll appreciate it. And if I ever get pissed at you, you will never be pissed at me, you'll choose to apologize instead of fighting back, and I'll forgive you. You knew I'll always get cold in the cinema, so you'll always prepare a hoodie even if you're cold yourself. And of course, you knew I'm anti lala, no long hair, piercing or wearing any accessories. You even knew that I like guys with fashion sense. And most importantly, you told your friend, don't ever leave me, treat me well because you don't want the same thing to ever happen on me again.
There was once someone asked me to define happiness, and my definition of happiness is, to spend everyday wisely, happily, with you. I don't know what's the reason you left, but today I heard a story from a friend. Perhaps, you really have your reason to do so. Or perhaps, feelings really do fade. Remember there was a few times I asked you, when will you be back, and you told me after you get your things done. I asked you about the duration, but you couldn't answer me. But before that, you actually told me, is it possible if I wait for you for a year. I used to tell you, I can wait, I can wait forever. But now, I can't promise you either, because I'm up to something else too. You wouldn't wanna know what is it. How long's my forever? I really want to know.
I'll live on happily, because today, I learned that, there's a lot of people who care for me. And I can't afford to disappoint them.
Apart.
